Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Day 0 of my Whole30-? Journey.

Today is May 26, 2015 and I am fat. Not even talking shit about myself it's the truth. I am super out of shape right now. I feel grotesque. So tomorrow, I am starting my first Whole30. It might turn into Whole45 or Whole90 or Whole365. All I know is that everything I am doing right now is not good. I need some serious rules and guidelines to follow strictly.

A primal type lifestyle worked for me before. Two years ago I was Paleo for about 3 months. I lost about 36 lbs and felt amazing! I had clear skin, and no gas or bloating.. haha. gas. I really enjoyed cooking and learned a lot about what to do in the kitchen during those three months. I got tripped up at Christmas time and I would like to blame my first visit to Texas for three weeks and my mom who was showing me all the fat food that Texas has to offer that she had discovered since moving there, "because it's the holidays".
Obviously Texas and my mom didn't force me to eat 30000 carbs and sugars.. that was all me. I did Paleo for three months with ZERO exercise and lost over 35 lbs without being hungry like ever. When I came back from Texas my mindset was I could just eat normally and workout and lose the same amount with the carbs and sugars in my diet.. yeah.. no.

I hate exercising. HATE IT. especially now that I am in horrible shape. let me explain how out of shape I am.

I am so out of shape that literally everything but walking to my car with my purse makes me sweat (Edit: if it is 65+ degrees outside I will sweat doing that too). Shopping makes me sweat, walking up 2 flights of stairs makes me sweat (one flight makes me winded). Taking a shower and getting ready to go out makes me sweat so bad that I have completely given up on my hairdryer. So now summer has reared it's beautiful sunny warm head in Orego and I would prefer not to be drenched in sweat 100% of the time. This brings me to problem number two.

I HATE my fat arms. I legit refuse to show them. I wear sweaters over tank tops and dresses like I'm some kind of arm prude. I would rather be sweaty in a sweatshirt than have anyone see my bare arms... (like hiding my fat arms in a sweater is making them invisible, I know. So crazy but I cannot help it. cannot.) I have had this issue for like 10 years even before I had fat arms. I have never had toned muscly arms and I have always had issues with them. my mom says it is genetics. Might be true, but she is pretty thin and her arms don't embarrass me (they never did, that's a joke).

Another issue with eating "normally" is that my face is trying to explode off. it's attacking me. I have never ever ever had acne as a thin person. not even as a teenager. Like, I would wear full face makeup to bed and be ok most of the time, I'd get the occasional zits. welp... something inside me has awakened the face demons. I also must be getting older. That time in my life where skin doesn't heal like I'm Wolverine anymore. I currently trying to combat the adult acne using Proactiv+ and also I am on antibiotics to fight the HORRENDUS cyst eruptions. Using both these products has helped more than anything so far. my acne is.. under control? Except around my period, but that's normal right? Lots of girls get hormonal breakouts. Even with the internal and external treatments. I break out for the week before during and after my period. Just means that I cannot be in, or take any pictures of myself. Hahaha I mean I actually try not to be in any photos because I hate myself on the outside right now. Jk. I really do like myself as a person I am just not happy with my appearance at the moment. Seriously, I have great hair and a great personality. (and an ok sense of humor ;P)

Why Whole30 this time you may ask? I did Paleo previously, and I heard of whole30 and may have Googled the difference between whole30 and Paleo and Primal once when I was doing Paleo... Then a few months ago my friend WholeJenn started doing Whole30's and was having great success and was raving about it recently. We talked about paleo and whole30 and she told me about some good sites and information. I've been thinking about doing Paleo for a little while, but I need something stricter. Whole30 looks great! It comes with a guide book or 100 guide books, The one I have is the Original (OG) book It Starts With Food written by the people that came up with the concept of whole30, plus it provides a time limit. a time limit that can be adjusted if I feel like I need another month or 15 more days or something. If you don't know what whole30 is, it is very simply put, eating whole food ONLY for a total of 30 days straight. no sugar no chemical additives no garbage no grains. no homemade cookies, and no store bought cookies. I like cookies.

Have I said Whole30 enough this post? WHOLE30, WHOLE30, WHOLEWHITNEY.

Oh hi, I am Whitney. Today I am fat, I want to feel good about myself, be able to go outside in warm weather without feeling uncomfortably hot, and go swimming this summer without thinking about how fat my stupid arms look.

Today is the last day I am allowed to complain about any of the above.

Today I realized I can't complain myself thin and healthy.

Today I have to actually do something about it.

Tomorrow I become WholeWhitney.

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